Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
