I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
