My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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