Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
3 2 1 whiskey
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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