The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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