The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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