She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
