btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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