Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This is my gift to your gina
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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