the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
