You work out of a Hotel?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
