She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
