There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize