Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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