what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
