Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
