community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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