Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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