We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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