Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum