she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
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The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?