My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.