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Say something about gay babies.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
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