she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
