K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
