She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
