Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Jerry, you need to find god
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
