you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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