its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
