She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
