Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
