that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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