I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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