Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
