Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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