Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
