I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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