Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
