It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
