just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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