Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
