Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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