I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
