textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
