There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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