Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize