I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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