What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
