Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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