Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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