on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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