I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
