3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just pee around me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
