Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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