just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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