Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
