I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
whose parrot is this?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
