Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
