At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
