We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
