she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
