yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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