i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
