people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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