Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
