Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
