I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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