mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
