i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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