i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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