TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
