Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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