He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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