dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
