can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
