his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
