Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
