What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
