if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
