Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
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The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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