just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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