apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
