If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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