did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico