with your own penis?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.