i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
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Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them