If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
