so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it's like heaven, but drunker
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
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I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.